I found a genie in a bottle.
It didn't happen at all like it does in the fairy tales. There was none of this polishing up a nice bronze tea set from the market stuff. That would have been preferable. No, I found this genie literally in a bottle.
I found him at the bottom of a bottle of gin.
He was far too messed up to figure out how to get out by himself. He was hollering and fussing, and I could see him through the clear glass down there, alternately shaking his little genie fist and sobbing uncontrollable genie tears. He was quite pathetic. I felt bad for him.
"Hey, down there, little genie," I called. My voice whistled across the top of the bottle. "You okay?"
"What the hell do you think?" he called back. Clearly the gin was making the genie belligerent.
"Do you need help?" I asked, ignoring his tone.
"I repeat: What. The. Hell. Do. You. Think?"
"I think no, not with that tone ..."
"I'm sorry!" he cried. "It's miserable down here! I was enjoying my gin, and then I was enjoying my gin a little too much, and then there was no more gin to enjoy. Now, it's just me and this stupid empty bottle. I miss the gin. We had a relationship ..."
"Can't help you with the gin, but maybe I can help get you out?"
"Would you?" He wiped his genie cheeks and his genie nose with his blousy genie shirt. Why do all genies dress like hippies?
I nodded. "Of course. Do I get anything for helping you out? I'd do it anyway, but I heard genies give you wishes or something. Figured it can't hurt to ask."
"Sure. Why not? One of these days, I wish someone would do it out of the goodness of their heart --yes, I fall into gin bottles a lot --but I guess if you're going to fall into gin bottles a lot, you have to be willing to grant a few wishes to keep people from walking away, shaking their heads. I'll give you ...three wishes sound good?" he offered, holding up four fingers and squinting at them.
"Sounds great! That's three more wishes than I had this morning!"
That's my story. I found a genie. But now, I need to know: what three things should I wish for?
Any ideas? Gin genie's waiting ...